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Puncuation check Urgent!
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Default Puncuation check Urgent! - 09-18-2011, 02:23 PM

Can some one check the puncuation and replace any dull or repetivly used word with another plz? Thanks


The views on Dunkirk were mixed, the operation was a failure because the primary objective was not met, but the evacuation shined a positive light over the event, making it seemed a victory. When the French and British troops were forced to the beaches of Dunkirk there was no other option but to evacuate them, the person in charge of this operation was called Vice Admiral Bertram Ramsay, he named the operation “operation Dynamo” which officially took place 26th may 1940. Despite the help of over 300,000 troops from the British expeditionary force, the French forces couldn’t hold off the Nazis invading France.
The miracle of Dunkirk was only a miracle because the soldiers could fight another day. If operation Dynamo wasn’t set up the British expeditionary force would have been hopeless and Dunkirk would have been a tragedy. The government wanted to keep his country on his side, so he made Dunkirk a propaganda triumph by showing the soldiers could fight again, for that reason it was a miracle of deliverance.
Source B1 written by David Knowles, a military historian is showing Dunkirk to be a victory, the source is biased. The secondary source is pro-government and he is very patriotic to his country. He supports Dunkirk by saying “it seemed a victory in just getting the troops back to fight another day” He only focuses on the evacuation and doesn’t mention any of the negatives that came of Dunkirk, despite all the losses.
Similar source B3 only shows positive outcomes of Dunkirk, the author Ben Walsh, a GCSE writer have bullet pointed all the positive things of Dunkirk, for the reason of it being for GCSE students, and it is also most likely dumbed down. It lists how many men rescued and the resources saved, many resources were lost and many men were too, but we can’t just assume tis author is biased, because this is only a section of the book and he could go on to list some negative facts, also it may be edited before final release.

Source B4 is a primary source from a official war painter, which means it is most likely going to be biased, everything in the painting has been what the government has viewed, the painter only shows the rescue and none of the conflict or tragedy. The painter Charles Cundall was probably forced to paint positive views of Dunkirk because everything at the time was censored by the government.



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Default 09-18-2011, 02:29 PM

The views on Dunkirk were mixed. The operation was a failure because the primary objective was not met. However, the evacuation shined a positive light over the event, making it seem like a victory. When the French and British troops were forced to the beaches of Dunkirk, there was no other option but to evacuate them. The person in charge of this operation was called Vice Admeral Bertram Ramsay. He named the operation “operation Dynamo” which officially took place on the 26th of May in the year 1940. Despite the help of over 300,000 troops from the British expeditionary force, the French forces couldn’t hold off the Nazis invading France.

The miracle of Dunkirk was only a miricale because the soldiers were rescued and could fight another day. If operation Dynamo wasn’t set up, the British expeditionary force would have been hopeless and Dunkirk would have been a tragedy. The government wanted to keep the population convinced so he made Dunkirk a propaganda triumph by showing the soldiers could fight again. For this reason, it was a miracle of deliverance.

Source B1 written by David Knowles, a military historian, is showing Dunkirk to be a victory. However, the source is biased. The secondary source is pro-government and he is very patriotic to his country. He supports Dunkirk by saying “It seemed a victory in just getting the troops back to fight another day”. In this quote, he only focuses on the benefits of the evacuation. He doesn’t mention any of the nevative outcomes that came from Dunkirk.

Similar source, B3, only shows positive outcomes of Dunkirk. The author, Ben Walsh, a GCSE writer, has listed all the positive affects of Dunkirk. He lists how many men and extra resources were saved and doesn’t mention the excess of resources and man that were lost in Dunkirk. With this being said, we can’t just assume this author is biased because this is only one section of the book and he could go on to list some of the negative aspects. The section could have also been edited before final release.

Source B4 is a primary source from an official war painter which means it is most likely going to be biased. Everything in the painting was a direct view from the government and the painter only shows the evacuation of the soldiers. He doesn’t show any of the conflict or tragedy that was caused by Dunkirk. The painter, Charles Cundall, was probably forced to paint positive views of Dunkirk because everything at the time was censored directly by the government.





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Default 09-18-2011, 02:36 PM

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Originally Posted by Ries View Post
Ok, i'm checking over it, i'll edit this post when i'm done looking it over. There are definitely mistakes :S
Thanks ries.



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Default 09-18-2011, 03:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ries View Post
The views on Dunkirk were mixed. The operation was a failure because the primary objective was not met. However, the evacuation shined a positive light over the event, making it seem like a victory. When the French and British troops were forced to the beaches of Dunkirk, there was no other option but to evacuate them. The person in charge of this operation was called Vice Admeral Bertram Ramsay. He named itOperation Dynamo,” which officially took place on the 26th of May in the year 1940. Despite the help of over 300,000 troops from the British expeditionary force, the French forces could not hold off the Nazis invading France.

The miracle of Dunkirk was only a (Synonym needed, too repetitive) miracle because the soldiers were rescued and could fight another day. If operation Dynamo wasn’t set up, the British expeditionary force would have been hopeless and Dunkirk would have been a tragedy. The government wanted to keep the population convinced, so he made Dunkirk a propaganda triumph by showing the soldiers could fight again. For this reason, it was a (Once again, miracle is repetitive.) miracle of deliverance.

Source B1 written by David Knowles, a military historian, is showing Dunkirk to be a victory. (Sentences can easily be combined.) However, the source is biased. The secondary source is pro-government and he is very patriotic to his country. He supports Dunkirk by saying “It seemed a victory in just getting the troops back to fight another day.In this quote,(Unnecessary throughout an assignment, seeing as it obviously is a quote and all you need to do in this sentence is explain it in the form of a commentary.) he only focuses on the benefits of the evacuation. He doesn’t mention any of the nevative outcomes that came from Dunkirk.

Similar source, (Choppy & Awkward) B3, only shows positive outcomes of Dunkirk. The author, Ben Walsh, a GCSE writer, has listed all the positive affects of Dunkirk. He lists how many men and extra resources were saved and doesn’t mention the excess of resources and man that were lost in Dunkirk. With this being said, we can't just assume this author is biased because this is only one section of the book and he could go on to list some of the negative aspects. The section could have also been edited before final release.

Source B4 is a primary source from an official war painter, which means it is most likely going to be biased. Everything in the painting was a direct view from the government and the painter only shows the evacuation of the soldiers. He doesn’t show any of the conflict or tragedy that was caused by Dunkirk. The painter, Charles Cundall, was probably forced to paint positive views of Dunkirk because everything at the time was censored directly by the government.
You need to re-word a lot of these sentences, I found these basically by skinning through the assignment. I also did not highlight it, but you used biased way too many times throughout your paragraphs. Make sure to get out of the habit of using contractions as well, English teachers are extremely picky about this.





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Last edited by Debutante; 09-18-2011 at 03:14 PM.
  
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Default 09-19-2011, 10:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Debutante View Post


You need to re-word a lot of these sentences, I found these basically by skinning through the assignment. I also did not highlight it, but you used biased way too many times throughout your paragraphs. Make sure to get out of the habit of using contractions as well, English teachers are extremely picky about this.
Thanks this helped me out alot, but i was told by my history teacher to pointout if the sources im studyin are biased. Cookie 4 u



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Default 09-19-2011, 01:06 PM

Not sure if this is too late, but I paraphrased Ries' paragraphs and took out some hit-list words that you both stuck in there (me you we things i he her they). Also changed some things around. It's the same idea through and through. It makes it seems cleaner and well put together.

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Default 09-20-2011, 12:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Lalas459 View Post
Not sure if this is too late, but I paraphrased Ries' paragraphs and took out some hit-list words that you both stuck in there (me you we things i he her they). Also changed some things around. It's the same idea through and through. It makes it seems cleaner and well put together.

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Yea its too late now already writ it down today but thanks



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